Frantic -by LC DeVine
I thought these nerve-wracking emotions were in the past.
That this sickening madness was done with.
He was in rehab, working on his recovery.
I was working on my NAN-ANON steps.
But, with just a few minutes of him not arriving on time or not answering his phone
I’m back in this frantic, nightmarish state of being.
It’s real as if it was the first experience.
But this mind-racing, body-shaking, tummy-churning feeling is more than Deja vu.
I know this for sure, because I’ve been in this space many times before.
This panic sends my blood pressure skyrocketing
My heart is pounding so hard that I can hear it in my inner ear.
Tears swell so thick they cover my face like a mask.
All these emotions paralyze me with fear and visions.
I’m thrown back into this unwelcome trauma.
….Caught up in my addiction to his addiction.
It doesn’t end until he walks in, and I realize he didn’t get high.